Fixed that link!

Just a quick note that people come to Ask for advice from other humans, and "go Google it" or "go ask a chatbot" isn't really the kind of thing that they're generally looking for.

Duplicate comment removed. anshuman, i left the later of the two duplicates, since it had an extra sentence; hope that's okay!

One comment deleted at the user's request

URL in comment fixed. Please carry on.

Removed a paragraph with a duplicate link as requestedby OP

Updated post to fix typo, and removed a comment about the typo.

Added the USPolitics tag, out of an abundance of caution.

haptic_avenger: you are tripling down here and it isn't okay. I am leaving your comment because it is not, on its face, bad advice to talk to other parents in one's neighborhood. However, OP has directly addressed your concerns about their neighborhood, and while you are under no obligation to believe them in your heart of hearts, you are required to follow the guidelines for Ask MetaFilter. Please take a break from this thread.

(made link clickable in the post)

One removed for making a gross insinuation about another commenter.

One deleted. Galvanic, you have posted two comments in this thread involving "slutty clothes" analogously. I left the first one and deleted the second, but in general, that particular analogy is creating way more heat than light. Please stop. Everyone else, please do not pile on and derail the thread.]

Fixed the broken link in this comment.

Edited this comment to make the link clickable.

One deleted as noise. I am not deleting this comment, because it is potentially useful advice for the future/other people, but i would note that nobody is likely to believe a wedding ring on the hand of a 13-year-old girl is anything other than a prop of some kind and that therefore this isn't really a particularly good answer to this Asker's question.

I also want to note, in general, that while of course there do actually exist bad neighborhoods, the concept in the popular imagination of "bad neighborhood" is a very fraught one and is very often deployed in racist and classist ways. Please exercise caution, and be aware that poor and minoritized men are not, actually, the only or primary perpetrators of street harassment.

The_Vegetables: "Black bean/jicima salad:
Canned black beans, corn, jicama, cilantro, mini bell peppers, and a dressing typically made with olive oil, lime, and cilantro., but it can be left off. Only a tiny bit of dressing is used."

I'm making the executive decision to leave this answer, because it's always been true that posts in Ask are for more than just the Asker. However, the Asker specifically said absolutely no beans; please read the question carefully before you answer it!

WatTylerJr: "Demi-god Jeff "I destroy things for money money and more money" Bezos and that thing he 'married'. And so I decide I didn't like this at all." I am not going to remove this comment, but please note that it is not ever acceptable to call a woman "that thing", regardless of how odious she is. (It is also not an acceptable thing to call anyone of any other gender, for the record.)

One deleted. In general, it's not a great idea to have your first comment in a thread—especially when it is also the first comment in a thread!—be a snarky one-liner that invites a sexist reading.

Two deleted; one was nonresponsive to the question, and the other was a response to that comment.

Post edited to remove the hijab sentence as agreed with OP. Also deleted the comment addressing it and it's response.

Also, please be considerate and respectful here, OP is going through a difficult situation with their young daughter; so let's not attack his choice of words.

Oh, btw, cyanistes, i don't think you did anything wrong here. I think "feature requests related to books on FanFare" (and even games, by extension as "media that gets less love in the FanFare interface") are entirely on-topic here. Please carry on as you were.

Seriously, everyone, that is enough. Two deleted. Pickman's Next Top Model, please stop picking fights with other users, especially contemporaneously with picking the same fights in another open MeTa thread. (The second was deleted for responding to the first deleted comment.)

I hate having to delete shit in MeTa, but "lightly moderated" is not the same as "unmoderated". I cannot speak for the other mods, but i personally am happy to hear you out at length about the shortcomings of any user you have a problem with, via MeMail or the Contact Form.

Just a note for transparency: this Ask has gotten flagged multiple times as chatfilter. I don't particularly want to delete it—it's picked up a lot of answers, whatever its shortcomings as a question, and the restrictions on what counts as "chatfilter" have been loosened over the years—but for everyone's future reference, this is way too open-ended to be a good Ask post.

Two deleted: answers must answer the question, and this is not a place for discussion.

clav and HH, you're getting pretty far afield here with the derail into the Temple of Elemental Evil and its immediate neighborhood. Please take it to MeMail or make a post on FanFare.

Sanicula: "I've always found it fascinating that morels seem to be the only wild food that midwesterns are universally excited to forage. Well...aside from deer that they pick off from a sniper post in their backyard." Yeah, I'm not going to delete this, but please do not do this. Midwesterners are not, actually, an undifferentiated mass of gun-toting hicks. Some of them even read MetaFilter!

One deleted; i don't think that baseless speculation about an elderly gay guy secretly running a cult, a drug dealing business, and/or a glory hole is sufficiently answer-shaped to remain in this thread.

Noting that snofoam was banned for 24 hours due to making a seemingly offensive comment. I was unaware of the context behind the comment and do acknowledge it was a mistake. The ban was unnecessary, and the additional context was helpful in understanding the comment. It still would have been deleted, but the ban was a bit excessive.

Folks, i would take it as a personal favor if this thread included less sniping at each other.

One comment removed as requested.

The derail taking place needs to stop, please take it to Memail if necessary.

edited aleph's comment to make the link clickable

okayturnip: i'm absolutely not saying the conversation can't focus on Kneecap's politics! (I may not have drawn the distinction i was trying to make as clearly as i would like, in which case i'm sorry.) They're a very political band and that's an important part of their story! I just mean, it would be good if we could avoid getting off into the weeds too far (such as whether Hezbollah is a worse actor than the US. I think everyone on MetaFilter probably knows my actual personal feelings on that by now—it's still, in my opinion, too far afield for this thread.)

Removed one comment for spoiling a different episode. adamrice, please feel free to post again without the spoiler.

Hey, just a quick note: the conversation has mostly moved on, but this MeTa thread is not a great venue to complain about the person who posted it. Again, MeTa is deliberately moderated very lightly, and i'm not going to delete anything, but please try to keep it focused on the topic rather than the messenger.

Folks, relitigating the 2024 election is absolutely a derail. Please do not do that in here. Gyre,Gimble,Wabe, Esq., your comment contained an unacceptable level of contempt for other MeFites, and it's been deleted. Stuff like this is absolutely not okay: "I don't get why people are surprised or even want to remark on this kind of stuff here. You guys knew this was in the play book. Welcome to your dystopia. Enjoy grubbing a rotten potato out of the ground."

One more reply deleted as it was missed the first time.

One comment & reply deleted. Keep comments appropriate please.

Going To Maine: "I mean, I care inherently because presumably any comments I made in those threads have also been lost."

Just FYI, that's not how account deletion works anymore. All FPPs on the Blue, the Gray, and FanFare are anonymized and the text redacted, but the post remains open and all comments are visible.

Fixed link error in post.

falsedmitri: i've edited the broken link in the post to reflect the link you intended, and deleted the comment which only contained the link.

Folks, let's avoid getting too far afield of the topic of the post (which is Kneecap) into derails about Hezbollah and Palestine. "Kneecap getting charged with terrorism because of Palestine/Lebanon support" is on-topic, but a segue into arguing about Palestine or Lebanon more directly … probably isn't. (I know i contributed to that myself yesterday, without my mod hat on, and i'm sorry about that—this note is absolutely meant to include me!)

And one deleted for not answering the question.

Two comments edited to make the links clickable.

Hey knobknosher: i've fixed the links in two of your comments to be clickable. They are otherwise unedited!

chariot pulled by cassowaries, just fyi, i've edited the link in your comment to be clickable.

One comment deleted as a duplicate.

JHarris, i've fixed the link in your first comment and deleted your second (which only contained the correct link).

Hey jamjam, this comment comes across as pretty sexist. I'm not deleting it, but in future please refrain from making statements about what "women want" and from statements that imply that straight men as a class are locked in existential conflict with their female partners.

Just a note, folks: I have removed the other post, even though it was technically the first one, because this one had the bulk of the on-topic comments. This one is, however, no longer a double!

Two deleted. Seriously, folks, please stop calling each other names.

One deleted; Ask isn't a good place for quippy one-liners that don't answer the question.

plagued out moggies: "Learn to read, you fucking ignoramus"

Please do not speak to other members like this, either.

Seriously, folks, tempers are running high in here and it'd probably be good to cool things down a little.

(Also "moron" is a slur, and while it's historically not been one we've moderated out on MetaFilter, i don't love to see it.)

Folks, i'm not deleting anything in here yet. However, please do be careful, when you are not defending bigotry (or, especially, the use of slurs), that you don't end up sounding like you're defending it by accident.

One deleted as a duplicate.

Three comments deleted. They're all from yesterday; i am just popping in to clean up the rest of the derail of users sniping at each other, especially since the context was lost given that the inciting comment was deleted yesterday.

dobbs: "Wow. What an ignorant, entitled, embarrassment of a post. Could your wording be any more insulting? You haven't even been a member for a year."

MeTa is deliberately moderated with a very light hand, so i'm leaving this to stand, but please do not speak to other members like this. Even if it were not the case that moggies is a longstanding user on a new-ish account, MetaFilter doesn't offer bonus points for time in grade.

(Made link clickable in aramaic's comment.)

Also, just a note that calling substance-dependent folks "nasty addict[s]" is not something we encourage here. I'm letting the comment stand but please do not talk about people this way. Many, many folks are addicted to something.

Edited post text at poster's request!

tiny frying pan: i think this line of questioning has gone on long enough; take it to MeMail if Don Pepino's comment isn't sufficient to answer your question.

Added USPolitics tag! Please carry on!

One deleted for not answering the question.

One comment removed, its responses left for context. Let's try to be sensitive to context by avoiding holocaust comparisons here.

One comment removed for not answering the question. Please carry on.

And two more deleted for not answering the question; sorry, missed them on my first go-around!

Two deleted, one for being unnecessarily rude to the asker (without answering the question) and one for replying to that comment.

Folks, i do understand that this is all interconnected (i say so often!), but try not to relitigate the 2024 election (or any earlier elections)) in here unless it's genuinely relevant, please?

One comment removed as requested.

One deleted. Name-calling isn't OK. Please stop engaging each other in arguments in this thread.

Hi folks, please remember that engaging in a back-and-forth in Ask is not encouraged. Please leave your answer to OP's question and move on. Please refrain from engaging any further.

Corrected post to redact some personal information, at the user's request.

evilmonk: "you were not safe. he could have hurt or killed you. stop making excuses for him."

This is an answer, and it's not wrong, but it's also profoundly unkind to an Asker who has done nothing to deserve it. Please, folks, in questions that are about abuse, consider being gentler to Askers who are already feeling fragile.

One deleted for both arguing with another answerer and not answering the question as asked.

Fixed a Unicode issue in the post title!

One deleted as noise.

Also, fixed the conversion factor in chariot pulled by cassowaries' comment, with permission.

flabdablet: you are threadsitting here. Give the conversation room to breathe, please!

One comment deleted for continuing to do the thing i said to stop doing (and for not answering the question).

Okay, enough. saladin, jamjam, and 922257033c4a0f3cecdbd819a46d626999d1af4a, please stop derailing the thread by sniping at each other. Everyone else, please do not feel tempted to help out here.

jamjam: "I doubt there’s going to be a whole lot of sand left, what with people like you needing so much to put their heads in." Please do not talk to other members like this!

chariot pulled by cassowaries: just a note that you're verging on threadsitting here. The conversation needs a little room to breathe!

Hi, folks! There's a weird dynamic in here with some of the answers, and i don't love it: several folks have validated the Asker's right to say no, but then gone on to point out that she could in fact say yes instead. This seems to me to be a kind of low-key interrogation of the premise of the question.

I'm leaving all of those up for now, but please note that "well, you could say yes" is not an answer to the question "how can i say no in a way that won't have negative effects on me/my property".

Separately, one comment deleted for not even attempting to answer the question.

One deleted. It's ableist and upsetting to use Joseph Merrick*'s disability to make a throwaway joke.] *aka the Elephant Man

One deleted; i think it was posted to the wrong thread. At any rate, it wasn't connected to the conversation in here.

One deleted for not answering the question.

One deleted for not answering the question.

Folks, Ask is not a good place to encourage people to violate the law (many jurisdictions require two-party consent for audio recording) or their employment agreement (which may also prohibit recording, for privacy and security reasons). At the very least, if your answer recommends that people do either of these things, it should be carefully considered and done with very good reasons, and you will need to show your work on that.

I'm not deleting anything out of the thread at this point, but please be mindful.

One deleted. Ask is not a venue for complaining about the subject of the Asker's question.

MattD: "The weirdest feeling has got to be the fat people who aren't (yet) on the shot. The sense of sheer inevitability, that every late night snack or second serving at dinner is close to the last one before it never happens again." This is amazingly condescending as well as sizeist and arguably ableist, and it is moralizing about fatness and fat people (at the end of a comment condemning other people for moralizing about fatness and fat people, no less!) Fat people are not an abstraction or a hypothetical, we are real and we aren't all desperate to be thin. (And fatness is not always caused by overeating.) Please be more mindful.

Spoke too soon: i'd missed a different comment which was not an answer at all; it has been deleted. Please do not quibble with the premise of an Asker's question in order to make a side point.

Galvanic: "Ok boomer." I'm letting this stand in the thread, but please do not talk to other members like this. Drive-by condescension doesn't create a good climate for conversation.

One deleted for not answering the question. Please do not go off on tangents or post chatty nonresponsive replies in Ask.

I'm not deleting anything, not least because i would have to leave a giant hole in the thread here, but please do not advocate things that are likely to get people in trouble with the cops in Ask. Especially do not do it if you are joking, because, also, please do not post joke answers in Ask.

Hey, just a quick note: conflating women with AFAB people is Not Great wording! It's upsetting to a lot of transmasc and nonbinary people to be rhetorically lumped into the "woman" bucket this way.

Changed post title, with poster's permission.

I fixed the HTML in this comment by Silvery Fish, and deleted two comments related to the broken link (the first commenter specifically requested that their comment be deleted after the link was fixed, and the second deleted comment was a reply to that one.)